Just Got Engaged? A Few Gentle Things to Know Before You Do Anything Else

Getting engaged is one of those moments that feels both thrilling and slightly surreal. One minute you’re celebrating, the next you’re realizing there are a lot of opinions, ideas, and expectations suddenly floating your way. If you’re feeling excited and a little unsure of what comes next, you’re right on track.

After working with many couples planning weddings in Portland and across the Pacific Northwest, there are a few things we’ve seen over and over that really help at the beginning.

First, give yourselves permission to pause. There is no rule that says you have to start planning immediately. Enjoy being engaged. Tell your story a few times. Let the reality of it settle in. This is a meaningful transition, not a race.

Before looking at venues or details, talk about how you want the day to feel. Not the colors or the décor, just the experience. Do you picture something intimate and quiet, or lively and celebratory? Formal or relaxed? Indoors, outdoors, somewhere meaningful to you? When couples start with feeling rather than logistics, the rest tends to fall into place more naturally.

It’s also helpful to remember that there is no single “right” way to get married. Portland weddings especially reflect a huge range of styles, traditions, and priorities. Trends can be inspiring, but they shouldn’t override what feels authentic to you. If something doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to let it go.

Guest lists often bring up more emotion than expected. Try not to finalize anything too early. Start with a loose range and know it will evolve. This is one area where flexibility and patience go a long way.

Budget conversations can feel uncomfortable, but having them early is one of the kindest things you can do for yourselves. Talk honestly about what feels manageable, what matters most, and where you’re okay being flexible. Clear expectations now prevent stress later.

Finally, remember that you don’t have to know everything at once. Planning a wedding is a process, and it’s okay to learn as you go. Ask questions. Take breaks. Change your mind. You’re allowed to enjoy this.

Above all, keep coming back to the reason you’re doing this. The wedding is important, but it’s just one day in a much bigger story. Let it be thoughtful, personal, and kind to the two of you.